This is Why All Twenty-Somethings Are Binge Drinkers

Sorry I've been missing in action these past few days. Did you know that I have no access to the Internet in my apartment? It is extremely tragic and going cold turkey off my gmail was like suddenly being denied access to cable television, espresso and high fructose corn syrup all in the same day. Of course I make up for lost time at work, especially on days when I can't do my experiments because a reagent is being held up somewhere between here and Sweden.

This living on my own business makes me feel simultaneously extremely old and extremely young. (Introduction fin).
Maybe I didn't mention this? My cousin and her family moved here at the end of June so her husband (my cousin-in-law, I guess) could take a position in the department of pathology here at WashU. Even though we're in the same department I don't see too much of him, though he's an attending and I'm a technician which could explain the lack of contact. Anyway, they have two young kids. D. is 5 and W. is 4 and they are just about as sweet, smart and sociable as kids (especially toddlers) come. I've seen a lot of the family, obviously, and although I love playing soccer with D. and Candyland* with W., I can't really imagine having a life that centers around children because, and this is seriously shocking given, as Jessica likes to report, I once coveted a family big enough to field an ultimate Frisbee team, I don't think I really like them.
I don't know why, but for some reason it suddenly feels like my life is on fast forward (or maybe a more 21st century simile would be the 2X button on the unduly and completely unnecessarily complicated DVD remote). Every time I meet a new person, I analyze them for "family elements." For example, if they are married, I wonder what their married life is like. Do they get tired of each other? Is their sex life dull? Do they have independent friends and interests? Do they even like independence? If they happen to be single, I wonder what our kids would look like. SERIOUSLY.
To be honest, I am a little bit freaked out by these thoughts of domesticity and I find them weirdly claustrophobic. Hence, why I now feel so old. And it's not just the children thing, either. Just the idea, in general, that in the post-college life, I don't want to be alone forever. But then I remember that I'm 21 and that my parents met when they were 34 which is more than 50% of the years in the future that I've already lived. Barely, but statistically significant, in the grand scheme of things.
It was a beautiful dawn this morning and I sat out at Starbucks watching the sun come up and psychoanalyzing myself. My conclusion is as follows: I've been really lucky in my life to have always been surrounded by a really strong group of friends. Even though I wasn't always super thrilled with the dynamics of my friend group in high school, there were so many of us. You were never alone; you couldn't be alone. It was impossible. If I wasn't at school, I was on AIM. If I wasn't on AIM, I lived in the exact center of a mile radius that included six girls I had known and been close with since the first grade. If it was the weekend, I was on a crew bus driving for nine hours to bumblefuck PA to race with a boat that was 75% my closest friends; not especially surprising given that we all chose to take up this time consuming sport as a group endeavor. Then, enter the cell phone. See what I mean? Then I came to college and pretty much found all the friendship and love and companionship anyone could want within a year. It probably didn't help that a few of my good friends became my lovers thus psychologically blurring the line between friend and girlfriend. This is going on ad infinitum, but the point is that for maybe the first time in my life, I'm not consumed in a big group of friends and therefore want a different kind of relationship. I don't know. I'm considering this a form of personal growth.

I didn't mean for this to come out sounding so melancholy because I'm in a really good mood today. I found hazelnut chocolates at the bookstore downstairs, I bought orchestra tickets this morning, Charlie has a puppy play date this afternoon and I'm in the middle of a fantastic book. I guess it's just been on my mind.

As usual and forever, I miss you all terribly.

Also, did you see this article about how short legged dogs are totally freaks of nature?

*I thought I remembered Candyland being fun, but it is seriously the most tedious board game in existence. Far worse than Monopoly.